That Awkward Joke
“Well, I guess we’ve ticked all the diversity boxes now, haven’t we?”
The laughter doesn’t come. Just an awkward silence.
Moments like these are often brushed off as clumsy jokes. But what if they’re signs of something much deeper?
These uncomfortable exchanges are not isolated social slip-ups-they’re symptoms of embedded, often unconscious bias. They reveal a gap between how inclusive we believe we are, and the reality of how exclusion is experienced by others.
Dr. Shungu M’gadzah’s Six Stages Framework (SSF) helps decode moments like these-not to shame, but to guide reflection and meaningful change.
Let’s follow the story of “Emily,” the colleague who made the comment, and explore what it reveals about unintentional harm, resistance to feedback, and the possibility of growth.
⚠️ Harm Without Hostility
Emily’s joke may seem harmless—light banter, even. But underneath it lies a deeper truth: she sees inclusion as a box-ticking exercise, not a commitment to equity.
When challenged, Emily is confused. Defensive. This reaction is typical of Stage -1: Unaware and Resistant in the Six Stages Framework. She is not malicious. She simply hasn’t reflected on how her words might land. Her worldview—where “I didn’t mean anything by it” is enough-protects her from feeling accountable for the impact.
You don’t have to be hostile to cause harm.
This insight shifts us away from judging intent and invites us to consider impact—on belonging, psychological safety, and the right to be seen.
🧱 “It’s Just Banter” – A Classic Sign of Resistance
When her manager explains the harm, Emily replies, “It was just a joke.” We’ve heard it before:
- “People are too sensitive.”
- “It’s not that deep.”
- “Everyone’s always offended these days.”
These are common defences at Stage -1. They’re not simply dismissive—they’re predictable responses when comfort is challenged. The Six Stages Framework helps us understand this behaviour as part of a pattern: denial and avoidance, designed to protect the self rather than engage with others’ lived experiences.
🕳️ The Real Root: Caves of Privilege, Caves of Fear
Why does this happen?
Dr. Shungu M’gadzah offers a powerful metaphor: the Cave of Privilege. Emily has spent most of her life surrounded by people who think, look, and act like her. In that environment, inclusion was optional-and often misunderstood.
Because her identity has always been centred, she’s never had to consider what exclusion feels like. Her “joke” reflects this: it trivialises the presence of someone who doesn’t fit her default norm.
But here’s the cost.
When we stay in our Caves of Privilege, we create Caves of Fear for others.
These are environments where neurodivergent, disabled, racially minoritised, or LGBTQ+ professionals don’t feel safe to show up fully. They feel silenced, diminished, or like they must hide parts of themselves to belong.
When we fail to notice who is not in the room-or who is quietly withdrawing-we lose the chance to build bridges of empathy.
🌱 The Way Out Is Support, Not Shame
The instinctive response might be to shame Emily or call her out publicly. But SSF reminds us:
Shame closes the door. Support opens it.
Stage -1 individuals like Emily need:
- Mirrors – to reflect on the gap between their intent and impact
- Mentors – to guide them through discomfort
- Motivation – to move from comfort to curiosity
These are best provided within psychologically safe environments, where people feel able to reflect without fear of condemnation.
Growth happens not by pushing people into the light, but by walking with them out of the cave.
🔎 Reflection Questions
- Have you ever heard a comment like Emily’s in your workplace? How did people respond?
- Have you ever dismissed something as “just a joke” without considering its impact?
- What are the “Caves of Privilege” in your life, and how might you begin to step outside of them?
🧠Final Thought: The First Step Is Awareness
Emily’s story reminds us that uncomfortable moments are not endpoints—they’re invitations. They signal where growth is needed, where bias hides, and where empathy must be built.
Instead of asking, “Did they mean to be offensive?” Let’s ask, “What harm was caused—and how can we do better?”
Because real inclusion isn’t about boxes ticked. It’s about bridges built.
đź“Ž Podcast Episode Out Now
🎧 “Emily at Stage -1: When Intent and Impact Collide” – Listen on Spotify, Apple, or your favourite platform.
“The Teacher Who Meant Well: Stage +1 in the Classroom”.
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