Reflective letters on race, relationship, belonging and the difficult work of looking inward
My Dear White Friend is a series of reflective letters exploring what can happen when conversations about racism move beyond intellectual understanding and become personal.
My Dear White Friend – reflective letters on race, relationship, belonging and the difficult work of looking inward.
The letters explore race, White privilege, belonging, bias, friendship and anti-racism — particularly what happens when the lens turns inward.
They are not intended to provide simple answers. They create space for questions.
Read. Listen. Reflect.
Start Here: The Anatomy of a Broken Conversation
Why do some conversations about race become so difficult to stay in?
The Anatomy of a Broken Conversation introduces the psychological territory explored throughout My Dear White Friend.
Sometimes a conversation begins with two people trying to understand one another. Then something changes.
A question feels personal.
An experience is heard as an accusation.
The need to protect our identity becomes stronger than our capacity to remain curious.
And what began as a conversation about race can become a conversation about whether someone is a “good” or “bad” person.
This short orientation film asks us to look more closely at that breaking point.
What happens when scrutiny feels like threat?
What happens when one person is trying to describe an experience while the other is trying to protect an identity?
And what might help us remain in the conversation long enough to understand something we had not previously been able — or willing — to see?
This is the territory of My Dear White Friend.
Read. Listen. Reflect.
Read the Letters
My Dear White Friend: Loyalty and Belonging- What Is the Price of Being Accepted?
My dear white friend, I have been thinking about loyalty and belonging. Two words that sound so positive, so reassuring. We all want to belong.
My Dear White Friend: Why Did I Feel Grateful When a White Man Spoke About Racism?
What happens when a White man speaks publicly about racism and the experiences of Black women? In this deeply personal My Dear White Friend letter, Dr Shungu Hilda M’gadzah explores the unexpected mixture of gratitude, relief, irritation and historical awareness she experienced while listening to a White lawyer challenge the Strong Black Woman stereotype. Drawing on the Six Stages Framework, she examines the difference between listening, believing and taking responsibility for meaningful change.
My Dear White Teacher: Was I The Child You Didn’t See?
A Black boy who once loved answering questions learns to become invisible in the classroom. Letter Eight of My Dear White Friend explores racial bias, teacher expectations, psychological safety and the lasting effects on children’s confidence and sense of belonging.
My Dear White Friend: What Happens When the Racist Is Someone You Love?
What happens when racism comes from someone you love? Letter Seven explores the difficult space where love, loyalty, belonging and accountability collide.
Responses to the Letters
My Dear Black Friend: A Response to the Letters
After four My Dear White Friend letters, the conversation changes direction. An imagined white friend reflects on what it means to listen, confront defensiveness and allow learning about racism to change behaviour.
