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Conversations about bias—racism, sexism, ableism—are often fraught with tension. For many, they trigger a sense of pressure or defensiveness, a fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. This creates a kind of perfection trap, where the anxiety of not being a “perfect ally” can lead to paralysis, preventing the very growth we hope to achieve. We worry so much about getting it wrong that we stop trying to get it right. This is why we need the “less so” method.
What if there were a more humane, sustainable way forward? Dr. Shungu Hilda M’gadzah, a psychologist and founder of Inclusion Psychologists Ltd., has developed a powerful approach that reframes this difficult work. Drawing on her clinical expertise and her Six Stages Framework (SSF) for understanding inclusion, she created a model for those who feel resistant or stuck. It treats unlearning prejudice not as a test of moral purity you can pass or fail, but as a personal journey of recovery and growth—one step at a time.
Takeaway 1: Reframe Unlearning Prejudice as a “Recovery” Journey:
The core of this approach is the “Becoming Less and Less” model, which adapts the structure of a 12-step recovery program to the work of dismantling our own internalized biases. This is a psychologically astute strategy. By framing the work as recovery, it helps manage the cognitive dissonance and shame that cause defensiveness. It treats biased thoughts not as immutable character flaws, but as habitual patterns that can be consciously managed and changed over time.
Developed by Dr. M’gadzah as a practical tool for her Six Stages Framework, the model is designed to support individuals who may be stuck in the earliest, most resistant stages of their journey. Just as recovery from addiction is a continuous process, so too is the work of unlearning harmful patterns of thought we’ve absorbed from the world. Instead of demanding instant perfection, it focuses on incremental, daily growth, making the work feel both possible and profoundly human.
Takeaway 2: The Goal Isn’t Perfection, It’s “Less So”
The model’s central idea was inspired by the true story of Robbie Mullen, a former senior member of the banned neo-Nazi terrorist group National Action. Mullen became a whistleblower for the anti-racism charity Hope not Hate, risking his life to expose a plot to murder a Member of Parliament. His journey of leaving a world of violent hatred was dramatized in the 2022 British TV series The Walk-In. In court, when asked about his transformation, his answer was simple but profound.
“Are you still a racist?” “Less so.”
This real-life testimony is the heart of the “Becoming Less and Less” journey. Dubbed the “Robbie Effect,” this concept is powerful because it comes not from a script, but from the lived experience of someone who undertook an almost unimaginable transformation. It makes the lifelong work of unlearning bias feel achievable by shifting the goalpost from an impossible standard of “perfect” to a manageable, humble, and honest one: to simply be “less so” today than you were yesterday.
Takeaway 3: Discomfort Is a Necessary Part of Growth
The 12-step model doesn’t just encourage growth; it acknowledges that real growth is often uncomfortable. Several steps in the guide directly address this reality, treating feelings of unease not as signs of failure, but as critical signals for self-reflection.
Steps like “I accept discomfort as part of growth” and “I notice when I want to shut down or walk away” reframe these difficult moments. They are invitations to pause and ask what’s really going on inside us, transforming defensiveness or avoidance into an opportunity to learn and deepen our understanding.
Takeaway 4: It’s a Daily Practice, Not a Destination
This is not a one-time workshop or a certificate of completion. The 12-step model emphasizes that unlearning prejudice is a consistent, daily practice. It translates the core principles of recovery programs into actionable commitments for anyone on this journey:
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- Daily Effort: A conscious commitment to do the work every single day.
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- Accountability: Seeking out partners and spaces that challenge you to grow.
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- Honest Reflection: Engaging in self-checks to name, own, and shift your beliefs.
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- Humility: Focusing on growth while letting go of the shame and defensiveness that get in the way.
To facilitate this, the model provides a simple yet powerful tool for daily use. It’s a reflection prompt designed to anchor the work in the here and now.
Daily Reflection Prompt: “Today, I became less and less of a ________, and more and more ________.”
The 12 Steps: Your Reflection Guide
The following 12 steps are not a checklist for perfection. They are a reflection guide for those committed to the ongoing journey of growth, one step at a time.
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- I acknowledge that I have internalized bias and prejudice.
- I commit to becoming less and less of a racist, sexist, homophobe, ableist, or discriminator.
- I listen to voices I’ve ignored or silenced.
- I reflect on the impact of my words and actions.
- I accept discomfort as part of growth.
- I notice when I want to shut down or walk away.
- I speak up when I hear harm—even when it’s uncomfortable.
- I surround myself with people and spaces that challenge me to grow.
- I apologize when I get it wrong—and learn from it.
- I support others on their journey without expecting perfection.
- I understand this is lifelong work.
- I engage in a daily check-in, asking myself: What am I becoming less and less of, and what am I becoming more and more of.
Conclusion: Your First Step Is Today
Meaningful change doesn’t come from perfect performance, but from consistent practice. By reframing the work of unlearning bias as a recovery journey, we are freed from the paralysis of perfectionism and empowered to take small, meaningful steps every day. The goal is not a final destination but a continuous process of becoming better. So, the only question left to ask is the one that starts the journey: Today, what will you become less and less of?
📥 Download the guide 🎧 Listen to the 5 minute podcast: Conversations Around the Dinner Table
YouTube- https://youtu.be/2kye12iztVM
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🎧 Listen to the 16 minute podcast: Becoming Less and Less: 12 Step Journey to Inclusion
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Also Listen on Spotify: Six Stages Framework
https://open.spotify.com/show/3wchvGsekFQhoVflgj3bWE?si=ac14922077064e4b
🌱 Share it with someone starting their journey
Let’s stop selling shortcuts. Let’s start honouring the slow, necessary work of becoming.
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