Before writing Letter Two of My Dear White Friend, I find myself pausing. Recent reflections on belonging and the public discussion surrounding Professor Arday have resurfaced memories, emotions and questions I thought I had put away.
Editorial note: My Dear White Friend draws upon lived experience, memory and reflective inquiry…
My dear White friend,
Did you get my first letter?
I keep wondering whether these letters are reaching the people they are meant for.
There is so much I want to talk to you about at the moment that I hardly know where to begin.
I have been thinking a great deal about belonging — about what it means to belong, what we sometimes give up in order to fit in, and what happens when inclusion quietly becomes assimilation.
I wrote about some of those questions in my latest Weekly Reflection.
Have you seen it?
And there is another conversation I know we need to have.
The public discussion following Professor Arday’s death has left me with many questions about institutions, professional cultures, scrutiny, silence, allyship and what happens when people or systems are asked to look more closely at themselves.
Some of those questions will find their way into my next letter:
Letter Two: The Discomfort of Looking Within.
This next letter may be difficult to write – and perhaps difficult to receive.
It has stirred up a lot of emotions for me and raised a lot of questions.
You will remember some of the difficulties I experienced during my professional life.
The conversations surrounding Professor Arday have reminded me of far more than I expected.
Things I thought I had made peace with.
Questions I thought I had put away.
Moments I now find myself looking at again through a different lens.
Interestingly, a number of names from the past have also resurfaced.
People I had not forgotten exactly, but whose place in my life I had pushed to the back of my mind.
Some have appeared again through my professional networks and, in a few cases, I have noticed people from that period looking at my profile.
It has made me wonder whether this tragic story has stirred memories for them too.
Do they remember those times differently now?
Do they find themselves wondering what I may have been experiencing?
Has anything about this tragedy prompted them to look again at decisions, silences, relationships or moments from the past?
I even find myself wondering whether there is regret, discomfort or guilt for some.
Of course, I cannot know what anyone else is thinking or feeling.
What I do know is what has happened within me.
Reading this tragic story has brought so many different emotions to the surface.
Sadness.
Anger.
Recognition.
Grief.
And so many questions and “what ifs”.
Perhaps that is part of the discomfort of looking within.
Sometimes we are not only being asked to look at what is happening now.
We are being asked to look again at what happened then.
And perhaps to ask ourselves whether, knowing what we know now, we would have acted differently.
I am still processing what has surfaced, and I need a little time to sit with it before I send you the next letter.
But before I do, I wanted to check in.
Did Letter One make you uncomfortable?
Did anything in it make you pause?
Was there something you disagreed with?
Something you recognised?
Something you wanted to ask me but didn’t?
Perhaps that is part of what these letters are for.
Not simply for me to write.
But for us to create a conversation.
So, my dear White friend, if you are receiving my letters, leave me a comment.
Let me know you are still here.
And if Letter One left you with a question, I would genuinely like to hear it.
I’m listening.
And I’ll write again soon.
Warmest wishes,
Shungu
Read. Listen. Reflect. Lean in together
#MyDearWhiteFriend #AntiRacism #ReflectivePractice
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You can read or listen to Letter One here:
Follow the wider series:
https://www.sixstagesframework.com/my-dear-white-friend/
LinkedIn discussion:
Read the note on Linkedin
